Making time….(or not)

Time is ….an interesting concept…(rephrase that) it’s not a concept per say…it’s tangible and now…and fleeting at the same time. This was brought home to me yesterday…I attended the burial ceremony of a friend’s child…sad and I wept for myself, berating myself for being so aloof from her for so long. I barely knew her child cos I never spent time….never found time to meet up. I really shouldn’t be beating myself up about this….it’s over and done with. Minutes are precious and I probably didn’t make time for selfish reasons. Regrettable but …c’est la vie. I could tell myself I would go out of my way now to spend time with her but I probably won’t. We have grown apart and each follow a different path…I could barely find the time to hangout with her if I tried. Actually I could…but it will be forced….I don’t really do ‘visits’ for no reason and maybe I should. But to what purpose? To waste time…catching up with old friends isn’t quite wasting time except for fear of awkward silences. An awkward silence would most definitely be a waste of my time. I’m torn between wanting to make up for lost time and really not caring to rekindle old friendships. I sound so solitary and I am to a great extent…I thoroughly enjoy my own company…I really do need to make time for others. I’ll start with occasional phone calls and take it from there….no I’ll start with occasional text messages for now….can’t be yabbering on about nothing on the phone.

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