Sometimes I cannot wait…I want it now!! (whatever it may be). I know there is a process and growth takes time. But sometimes I just cannot wait. I get all jittery like today…I cannot really place my finger on why I’m jittery today. I just know that I am. Got this urgency about me like time is running out (but for what?) I want tomorrow today. I want to know what I’ll be like next year…what I’ll be like at 60, 70, 80. How old would I be when I retire? Will I retire? How old would I be when I die? (how morbid!!!!!!!…gosh…I most definitely do not want to know that!!!) I want to know how long my hair would be next year…I want to know if I’ll still be blogging by Christmas. I just have this urgency to know stuff. I want to fast forward today. I want to fast forward this moment…I want to have already posted what I am typing right now. I just have this urgency…
But….(but nothing)…I just want to (yep…just want to know)
I don’t understand why I always cross examine myself. Why I am so happy being by myself… why I can be in company and still be by myself…why I talk to myself soooooo much!!!!
I feel a lot calmer (at this minute)…gosh…(I wish I could meet me…I seriously have no idea what that means)…I’m going all gibberish now. Need to do something else cos I have obviously substituted talking to myself in my head to talking to myself through a keypad. (still talking to myself though). I’m in a weird place today…(actually I’m not…I am a-okay)